In the film, Derrida discusses his feelings about love saying, “It’s the most important thing in anyone’s life.” However, how do we know if we love someone? Do we love someone because they are a person, or do we love someone for their qualities – humor, caring, genuine, etc.? When falling in love with someone, there are usually certain aspects that attract us to him or her – their personality, their physical attributes, etc. These are the things that allow us to enjoy that person’s company, to want them around to make our lives more enjoyable. But, Derrida asks, what is it that we are falling in love with – the person itself, or these qualities?
If we say we are in love with their qualities, then we call into question Derrida’s idea of love being narcissistic because often the qualities that we are attracted to are the same qualities we find within ourselves – whether it be humor, intelligence, beauty, etc. Narcissism is the failure to see a separation between the self and others. Everything that we see in others is just an extension of ourselves. We can use the example mentioned in class regarding a baby. Way back many years ago (for some of us), when we were all small babies, unable to communicate with the world, we had narcissistic tendencies. In our eyes, our mothers were an extension of us. When she would walk away, we just thought ourselves as being extended because of the fact that we could not separate the idea of self and other.
We can relate this idea of narcissism back to love because Derrida states “all love is about projecting our own needs and desires onto the other person.” Our own wants and qualities are the things we look for in a person – it’s what makes us attracted to that person. Take for example the idea of a “money maker.” If we feel as though we need a lavish lifestyle filled with money and material things, then we are going to love a person who makes a significant amount of money and lives in a wealthy lifestyle. Our desire to have these qualities is being projected onto someone we love or are looking to love.
Derrida’s ideas on love are interesting to consider because how often are we battling our opinions on whether or not we love someone. Do we love them because they exist or because there are qualities within this person that we see in ourselves and enjoy? I feel as though when we look at love, we often chose the idea that love means to love a person’s qualities because otherwise we would be loving every person simply because they are a person –they are there. If we love someone for their qualities, there are only a certain amount of people that share the same qualities and values as us.
If, in my twenty years, I have learned anything from watching cheesy, cliché, romantic movies, it’s the fact that we all believe there is someone out there for all of us.
Until next time…..
pelipuff
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3 comments:
I would have to agree with you, Pelipuff. I too gathered that Derrida implied that we are attracted to people based on the qualities that we share. We are attracted to familiarity.
I think its interesting that you brought up the point of how individuals battle our opinions; its an ongoing struggle. But regardless of the struggle, I think there's someone out there for all of us to.
Hasta Luego
Ciao Pelipuff!
Great post! I think that we got a lot of the same ideas from Derrida's ideas on love. I also agree with your point that we are more attracted to the qualities of a person. This in turn relates back to narcissism, we are attracted to the qualities that fulfill our needs.
You're post really helped me understand what Derrida was saying when he was relating love and narcissism. I agree that we are attracted to people who possess qualities we see in ourselves or want to see in ourselves. We often seek out people who share our interests or make us feel better about ourselves.
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